yabber
2005-05-21, 8:03 p.m.

Finally, after 2 and a half yrs, am sorting out H's christening. Before it was a question of when/if K was coming to live - didn't want to shoot ahead with it then have to face the fact that I had pissed him off - then even when it became apparent he wasn't coming, life went on and it never happened.
WELL, now it will - hahha. It will be in september - I hope (depends on available church dates) and I will find out for sure when the clerics call in a week or so time.
Spoke to K about it - he was surprised I would do it - thinks it's a decision H should make himself when older. I kinda see the point of that, but i explained that the christening was a commitment for me and godparents to bring him up with christian values, and that it wasnt expected that H was therefore committed forever to something he didn't want. wWen the time comes to make his own decisions, he is free to do so.
I am very excited tho. It will be lovely getting many of the far-flung members of our family back together for the day. Also K said, with enough notice of dates and such, he would endeavour to come too as it's not something he would want to be left out of...... fine by me.....with his grinning face on the photos it will mean a lot to H when he is older, so YAY!
Been feeling pretty low these last few days - cant really put my finger on it. Am tired, that doesn't help, but it seems more than that....... need to look into it a bit I think. I guess from my past I am prone to the occasional bout of misery/depression, and mostly I come back out of it in the end. We'll have to see how long it goes on for , maybe I need to go back on the prozac or some such. With a little one around needing love and fun and a motivated mother, I dont have the dubious 'luxury' of wallowing in self-pity any more.
Trying to remember to pray more often. I know that sounds a little weird, but, really, somedays I just plain forget!!!! That is in terms of 'proper, focussed' prayer...... I send up little ones through out the day as it goes. Just feel I need to be a better christian really.....sigh.......
Grim was being grim this evening so we had to come away early from our social time. (another thing to add to the list of why I am miserable - I am just plain lonely and cutting short social time has a real downer on me esp as we - me and H - had been alone since 7pm yesterday.....sniff. here goes another evening of emptyness.

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