back again
2007-02-19, 10:19 p.m.

It's been a while, but I really miss this whole diaryland thing. I suppose the reasons are many and varied, but most of them are excuses for why I dont write here like I used to or like I'd like to.
My son takes up most of my day and my energy and my ability to think straight. I suppose those are most of the tangiable reasons. The other aspect is that this place was such a huge part of my ED - in the sense of supportive friends/ venting feelings etc etc. My ED behaviour stopped the day I found I was pregnant. I couldnt lose my baby over my stoopid behaviour. At first it was a releif to finally eat and find that because i wasnt purging i was eating less and becoming fod-normal really quickly! Cured? No chance. the demon ana-mia talks to me daily. truth is, i am heavier that i ever was before, and while i sail through the days being a mum, trying to eat 'sensibly' etcetc, that little voice pokes and prods and tempts me back to the place I used to be.
So far I have resisted. I have even asked the doctor for a dietry referral (nothing transpired i have to say) as i need to lose a little weight, but am incapable of dieting without going striaght into ED. I have discovered this to may cost on 3 occasions since i was 18, and what followed was years of struggle............ So i am in a zone where old-voice gives me the hard line about being FAT FAT FAT, while current voice yelss back to IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. Dont know if this is making any sense, but its time i broke the silence for myself over the thoughts in my head and the struggle to fight it.

last - next

Lyrics from Savage Garden's Crash and Burn and are copyrighted to Savage Garden